A domestic violence story by Christine Davis.
I married my son’s father the week after I turned 18; I had second thoughts while walking down the aisle but felt the conviction for my son to have his father and legally be married would bring less shame to myself and my family. He was usually so nice to me, except when I was pregnant, the first time; he was angry as if it was my fault alone. His kindness seemed to come to a screeching halt the night of our honeymoon… he brought a friend along, decided to get drunk and tell me at 135lbs, and measuring 38-28-38 that I was “fat, lazy and no good”… we didn’t consummate the marriage that night, I went to sleep with my son next to me and my husband partied into the wee hours of the night.
Later there would be coerced escapades staged that I was to take part in with him and his friends, that made me feel so small, so worthless. He would use drugs and alcohol, his personality was not easy to read. If he had a bad day at work, I was the one who would get beat, or pushed, or emotionally abused until he felt better. He would put me down, not allow me to wear make-up because to him it was a sign I was trying to look good for his friends. Certain clothing was no longer allowed, my hair was never right. To try and strangle me, throw knives and keys with sharp objects on them became the norm. He would call multiple times a day; and if I had not answered by the 3rd ring; he was certain I was having an affair and I would get his wrath when he came home from work, we had a corded phone, so I had to drag it around the house with me, I had to pull the phone into the bathroom to bathe, to use the toilet whatever it took, as long as I could hear the phone and get it before the 3rd ring I was safe.
There was no visiting friends, or family alone, he would send me out to get him cigarettes really late at night and have me walk a few miles to get them; our neighborhood was scary at night with gangs infiltrating and random shootings. His type of abuse was very blatant and came on so quickly it seemed and so strong; I had no idea how I would escape. He never worked double shifts at work, and when he did stay away from home, he was having an affair; yet still managed to stay in contact at home by phone or by having a friend of his “check in on me”. If I mentioned my unhappiness and how I thought we should separate, or go to counseling, he was angry. He took parts out of my car so it wouldn’t start and hid them until he got home. Eventually he worked a double-shift for the first time in a year and a half. This was my opportunity. I had snuck a few cents or a dollar from him over the last year and had a little less than $25.00 to my name hidden in the closet. I called my family and told them what had been happening and that I had to get my children and I out of the house and I desperately needed their help, and I had 8 hours to get out with anything of importance. Family came from out of town, my mother opened her house to me and my two children, I was to find out a few days later that I had left him; 8 days pregnant with our 3rd child. He denied that she was his; spreading false rumors to our neighbors that I’d had an affair. I didn’t, she was his and looked just like his side of the family when she was born. I didn’t know a thing about how restraining orders worked back then, but I bluffed and said I had one and he was to stay away. Come to find out he’d been having numerous affairs and fathered a child with one woman he was with. I filed for divorce after our 3rd baby was born; he didn’t show up to court. I hadn’t heard from him again for 22 years. He never visited the kids; he was heavily into street drugs and drinking and had kept under the table jobs in order to not pay child support and even ended up homeless. Point is I had to find my courage to make a move, strategize and get help as soon as I could. My story doesn’t end there, but it’s enough for now.
Your story is of inspiration to others that have experienced a similar situation, there are ways to overcome and become truly happy. I am a high school student that is doing a culminating research paper for my sociology class revolving on domestic violence and its importance to be stopped. I really hope if it is in any way possible for me to chat with you via e-mail or any other way to provide a real life story to students in my high school, of course I will not provide your personal name nor any other people that had to go through this undermining situation. If it is possible I would really appreciate it, thank you.
You are such a brave and strong woman. I applaud you for having the courage and patience to wait for your way out and put away what you could to make it happen. I know it’s not easy to start over but just having your peace of mind is worth it.
Hello I myself is a victim of Domestic VIolence for 9years with my last three kids father so I know what it feels like to want to get out and can’t.I also experience the same treat as you and it seemed like it became worse when I to found out I was pregnant with my daughter it went from a simple push to keeping me from eating my food just to clean . Reading his mind was never an option because for some reason I couldn’t .He beat me like I was a man he had just finish exchanging words with at a bar slaps ,punches and kicks to the stomach all while being 5 months pregnant. Covering my stomach to protect the life inside of me was more important then protecting my own. He did everything he could think of that day smashed me in the face with the phone reciver,head butted me in the face pulled my hair out the whole nine.
It’s so much more however like said that’s enough for now I’m no longer with him I was one who made it out as well. Keep moving forward Christine and stay strong
Shaniqua
My the first part of your story started out like mine does. I am so glad you made it out as I did. Keep strong and keep fighting for dv to be stooped.
Thanks for letting me say this. I am in a Domestic Violence class at the college here in Mattoon, IL and am trying to start working at our domestic violence shelter and all I want to do is help others as I was helped 20 years ago.
I experienced physical and emotional abuse with my childrens father and it happened for 6 years. It is very hard to overcome such things but we juat have to find that inner strength to push forward. Thank you for sharing your story it helps to know others have went through the same thing. You are very brave and strong and I wish you all the best
Domestic violence is one thing that has become too common in our world. I myself suffered years of abuse at the hands of my child’s father. I stayed for reasons that now seem so stupid. My experience is something that I will carry with me always. Not as a Scarlett letter but that of a reminder that I am so much stronger and smarter than I thought I was then.
I am now a single mom in the last six months of my disagree. I can still hear his voice telling me how useless I am every time I walk into class or sit for an exam. However, it is this voice that has driven me to be a high honors student for the past two years. I have persevered in spite of him.
I am currently working on a project for my Critical Thinking and Problem Solving class and would love to have stories of both men and women that have persevered and came out of these situations even better then that walked in to them as. I understand that some my not want to be named as they may still be in the process of overcoming this hardship and privacy will be respected. If you are interested in telling me your story please email me [email protected]. Thanks in advance for your interest and remember that even the darkest of clouds has its own silver lining.