Domestic violence and substance abuse reached new depths with the availability of crystal methamphetamine as the new leisure drug of the masses. Going by various street names such as speed, crank, glass, and ice, this demon drug knows no race, creed, or status and is all pervasive in its abuse. Unlike marijuana or cocaine that needs to be harvested and then processed to reach the markets, meth can be synthesized in make-shift labs in the basement or the garage with ingredients available in the neighborhood supermarkets.
In addition to this it is also smuggled across the borders by the powerful drug cartels for whom, this is million dollar business. What this means is that it is easily available to any man, woman and child who wants it, and therefore its implications in the domestic sphere are alarming.
The three patterns involved in meth abuse are the low intensity and the high intensity with the binge level in between. The first is when the drug is snorted or swallowed for that extra perk that sees you through a busy day at work and keep up with demanding housework. Most people doing more than one shift, or working overtime, multitasking as a matter of routine all resort to meth as a means to keep up. Binge users smoke or inject the drug to experience the euphoric rush that is supposed to be out of this world and are highly addictive.
This can bring about a high that can last up to 16 hours, during which the abuser feels invincible and is therefore terribly aggressive. The abuser continues the drug intake in an effort to maintain the high, which however, is never as good as the first and eventually becomes non-existent.
By now the addict is totally addled, but with no accompanying highs, but rather the opposite. This is the dangerous tweaking period when the addict is overcome with absolutely hopeless despairs and the mother of all depressions take over. Now alcohol and heroin may be consumed in a bid to get over this black period.
Then comes the crash where the abuser goes into an almost lifeless state for anything up to 3 days. The only way to get out of this black hole of despair is more meth, and that is why 93% of those in rehab return to the drug. This leads to the high intensity user whose only aim is to avoid the crash and retain the elusive high.
A meth addict in the tweaking phase is a muddled mass of frustration, aggression, hallucination, and irrationality. They are highly suspicious and paranoid. If drunk it adds to the recklessness which leads to unprovoked attacks, and other criminal acts.
Domestic violence incidences can reach new levels at the hands of a meth addict. The effects of the drug are not limited to the user but spills over to include each and every member of the family.
Social service agencies have revealed how out-of-home placements of children have become increased due to meth addiction in care-givers. Thousands of children are abused and neglected. The National Conference of State Legislatures found the distressing fact that about 10 percent of meth users were introduced to the drug by their parents or close relatives. The Drug Enforcement Administration reports that in 20 percent of drug busts made last year, children were present. Domestic violence statistics have begun to consider the implications of meth abuse in their compilations.
Meth is also the drug of choice for women who choose this lifestyle. Besides helping to keep up with the multi-tasking required of a working mother, it is also known to help with weight loss. A startling fact reported by a federal survey of all people arrested for crimes reveals that over 11 percent of women had used meth, as opposed to 4.7 percent of men. What starts as a low intensity use and a harmless pastime can quickly slip into the danger zone. Both domestic violence victims as well as abusers can be meth addicts. This puts the lives of innocent children at great risks according to police reports.
While you feel you have control and can stop whenever you choose to, thousands of testimonies from devastated addicts state the opposite. The power of the addiction is such that it takes over without the addict being aware of it. This brings out the paranoia, the uncontrollable anger and rage, and the frustration of knowing that your life is no longer in your hands, but in that little piece of white, odorless, bitter tasting chemical which now has total control over you and through you, your family.
Please feel free to leave a comment to let me know if this article helped you, or what other topics you would like to see on the site. I started this site to help others, so I want to make sure you are getting the most from it. God Bless.
Meth is a plague in our society. I am now a statistic. It’s been 2 1/2 yrs since my brush with meth. My boyfriend was a user. Looking back at my life now – I see that I should have left him at the first sign of violence. I’m thankfull that I’m still alive ! When his fingers were at my throat choking the life out of me I prayed to god and asked for help. I knew that if I stayed with him I would soon be dead. Scott had a loaded sawed off shotgun. There are no words to describe how it feels except one – instinct. I knew if I wanted to get away I needed my boots and coat. When Scott wasn’t looking for a brief moment I went to the door and let the dog outside. I put my boots and jacket / purse right outside the door and waited couple of minutes. Next time I opened the door pretending like I was stepping out the door to call the dog. I threw the boots on as I grabbed purse coat and ran down driveway as fast as I could ! Seconds later I heard shouts and gunfire. Bullets were fired off at me as I ran for my life ! I was asking myself why. Why did I go back to him the last time after he was abusive to me ? Look where it got me ! Here I am hiding in the woods from a drug crazed maniac that swears if he can’t have me no one else will. It finally hit me. The reality sank in. No matter how much I loved him I could never go back. Scott said he would kill any Troopers that showed up so I didn’t want to call anyone to ask for help. I walked for 2 hrs down a dark road in the pouring rain with at least a dozen vehicles driving by me before someone even stopped to help me. Got dropped off at the woman’s shelter for the third time in a month. AK Troopers sent the swat team to bring Scott to jail. While I was at the woman’s shelter walking into the kitchen at 9 am I felt his spirit fly right thru my heart. I knew that Scott had killed himself. I prayed to god that Scott didn’t take anyone else with him. At 10 am the AK Troopers came to the shelter to speak to me. I knew they were there to tell me he was dead. For the first time in a year I finally felt safe. It’s been 2 1/2 yrs since this happened. It’s not been easy. Living with the memories has been tough. I live each day like it could be my last. I’m thankfull for the little things in life like being ALIVE. Nowdays I’ve learned not to let small problems in life get me down. I know what ever life brings me I will be ok. because I will do more than survive. I will overcome any obstacle and thrive !
I too have had my share of terrifying momments. My first husband was seriously addicted to meth. while he was abusing me. I would sit for hours on end researching the effects of the drugs he was using, hoping and praying to find a way to help him. All I ever wanted was to get the man I married back, I loved him with every fiber of my being, I had nothing but hope that one day we would be happy again. As with the everyday cycle of violence, I learned the hard way how difficult that would prove to be. I can tell you of all of my horrifying experiences, it would be a book longer then the bible, so I’ll refrain. However, what I will tell you is how dangerous my path became. We were in the process of moving. My husband came home, while I was packing, told me his friends were moving in with us. I obviously was not ok with the thought, therefore he threw me into a wall and when I woke up was sitting in the front passenger of our car. He was drinking a beer, and our !yr old was in her carseat behind me.I naturally snapped at him about drinking in the car with the baby. He then hit me repeatedly with his 40oz bottle in the head grabbed me by the hair and continuously smashed my head into the window. We arrived at our new house. He dragged me out of the car by my hair, into the house,into the center of our very large, empty tile living room, where he then proceeded to close all of the blinds and locked the door. Dark, and cold, I thought this is it my life is over. This is where he kills me.If I were only so lucky, instead 4 of his friends came out from all directions. He climbed on top of me, then smashed my head into the ground, he was calling me a whore, yelling how I was sleeping with everyone , and if I wanted to be a whore, I deserved to be treated like one. His friends all laughed at me,and without any restraint , raped me. They were saying the same kind of things my husband was.and some. every one of them hit me, and slapped me, and forced me to do the most humiliating attrocities , I was praying to be dead right there……But im still here. It hurts to breathe just by typing this..I was left for dead. Not that I was playing dead but because my body was lifeless. I couldn’t move any part of my body, couldnt speak, I slipped into a darkness that I was happy to have. i still dont know how long I was out for, but I remember being put in the trunk When the light came back into the trunk it was my husband alone. I blinked and he immediately came to my care. He cleaned me up and hugged me like he loved me, then with his tear filled eyes drove me home. I laid in bed weak, and near dead for at least a week. then spent several months trying to find a way to leave, safely with my baby. When I finally got away, I drove to another state. It was shortlived only a month later I received a phone call “I know where you are” and click. Pulled up to a stop sign and he climbed in the car with me. More and more abuse for more months. Then during another honeymoon phase, i felt safe enough to ask him why he was leaving for days on end..he was back on meth again. and yet again while we were in the process of moving, he came home, took my keys, and left again. when it was time to lock up and go I went to retrieve my keys.. He answered the door to me his face white as a ghost, lipe dry and cracked hadn’t shaved in at least a week. I barely recognized him, i asked for my keys and asked him if he was coming. He said i wasnt supposed to be ther because it wasnt his house, but let me in all the same. I looked down the hallway, and could see the smoke coming from the back room. I stepped towards the room, thinking not again. and was pushed into the kitchen. He beat me right there. As i attempted to dodge him and push my way past him, it only enraged him more. He more vigorously grabbed me by my throat and head butted me. As I was slipping away I blinked, and in the split second of my blink I saw a kitchen knife on the counter, by the time my blink was done he was backing away. I still dont remember picking it up, but the knife was in my hand. Life went still for me, the knife was enough to scare me, so I dropped it back on the counter, or so I think, when he then rushed me again, I picked it back up as in warning. He backed away said she fucking stabbed me, and turned down the corner for a towel. Frozen in I wish I could express my feelings, i honestly think it was relief, i put the knife down and slipped away. his friends caught me at the end of the kitchen counter and pushed me to get out, he moved the towel and i could see a tiny cut. i ran downstairs barely, and he yelled at me to call him in a couple of days to see if he was still alive, i yelled back go to hell and went home. After a few hours, i felt bad and went to check on him. it wasnt a cut i truly did stab him. when the dr told me she gave him pain meds all i could say was great something else for him to be addicted to, she said he was in real pain, and i told her that hed been up for weeks and couldnt feel anything, anyway i was arrested, no self defense laws in arizona, and charged with attempted homicide. im out now my life destroyed, cant find work or live in any decent home, all because i loved a man on meth. im still in love with him but i cant do it again. its been six years, ive been diagnosed with ptsd i take pills regularly, and still barely sleep. im plagued by my memories day in and day out if i do sleep i wake up scared and paranoid that hes right outside and of course have to check im just scared all of the time, hes in prison,for an unrlated crime, but that doesnt tame my fears he still calls and writes and i am just here taking life one day at a time. Jason was a good man, until meth.but his family still blames me//this was really hard to write, ive never told anyone of that one particular night, I am educated, but i cant see the screen or the keyboard through my tears, I just hope if youre reading this and your man is on drugs and abusing you, Ive been through the worst of abuse, and im still being abused six years later just hear my words and run as far away as you can
It is a shame that woman are beating to death because jealous partners.It seems the woman blame themself saying it there fault in the beating but it not.
People like that should rote in hell and in prison for life for that type of violence against there partner.
But woman can be the person doing the domestic violence too but that is a very low rate on the woman abusing there partner.
All I can say is we all need to pitch in and help stop voilence here in the US and around the world.
People against demostic voilence and we should stand togather as one.
As a former crystal addict I find your article troublesome. I can tell that you are not nor have been an addict.
Crystal meth is like alcohol. not everyone who takes to drinking becomes an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic and can handle neither drugs or drink. I have been clean and sober for 10.5 years. I know plenty of meth addicts/ users who lead normal lives, go to work, own their homes.
The violence associated with meth is for the most part from not sleeping.
You say “This can bring about a high that can last up to 16 hours, during which the abuser feels invincible and is therefore terribly aggressive.” Not true. this is when the addict is more like just a normal person, just wide awake and enthusiastic.
Usually when a man is into meth so is his woman. She gets just as violent as he does. She usually gets the worst of it because men are stronger than woman. Neither are bad people just drug addicts. Same with crack. Good people with bad habits. Want to help stop domestic violence then open up more drug programs and stop the supply. This country has not felt this meth thing yet to the fullest. We need to find a way to stop the supply at all costs or we are in serious trouble.
The sad thing is that drug users say they want help, but they don’t. There is nothing we can do to help them. i might sound mean & harsh, that’s fine. I was in an abusive relationship for 6yrs. Only started off with pot, gradually got addicted to morphine & goodness knows what else. I finally felt calm enough & at peace to leave him nearly two years ago. Hard on our children & me. But the three of us are better off with my decision to leave him. I tried helping him, he just abused it. He kept saying he wanted the three of us over the drugs, but he never wanted to do anything else about it. If a drug user wants drugs, they will do anything to find them
Meth use “starts out as a harmless pastime”? Clearly, you do not understand the nature of illegal drugs. Please educate yourself on DV and other related issues so you do not cause more harm than good by propagating misinformation.
I would love to see your sources, Mike. I unfortunately went through an experience similar to Laurie’s. I was never violent to by boyfriend… EVER!!! You are right in that not all meth addicts turn into monsters (as a user I only hurt myself by staying in a dangerous situation for way too long), but the fact is that many of them do. You sound like an enabler to me. I don’t know why you’re trying to justify this sort of behavior.
I just got off the phone with my little sister who told me a rushed sentence that her meth addict boyfriend was violent with her because of her and she should be arrested. Good one. I pity her and am sick of her justifying his horrible behavior and endangering her children by staying with this meth addict. She claims she is not doing meth but was talking so fast, trying to explain why he was violent, I could barely understand her. She just started in talking about it for no reason…..I think she just saw him and she is on meth too but I can’t face that. I hope he dies and leaves her alone I hate meth.
I understand what has been going on in my life now after reading this information.My ex-boyfriend was using meth behind my back,and then one day he tought my shirt was to low to go to work in.I had on 2 shirts and had worn this shirt before and never said anything about it.It was a Friday afternoon he accused me of having affair and was screaming at me.He got up at 4;30 in the morning wanting to know where the shirt was because he said I had affair and was looking and clues.When I got up that morning I started looking on the computer for a place to move to with 3 dogs,do you how hard it is to find a place that will let you have 3 dogs and that is affordable and not a dump.My boyfriend continued to fight with me and then he grabed me from behind and starting choking me I was on my last breathe when I bit his hand to let me go ,he threw my head into the kitchen cabinets .While I laid there in shock trying to catch my breathe he was screaming get out bitch and I will call the police on you and make you leave.I tried to call the police but he took my cell phone and broke it .I started packing my stuff and my dogs and went to my parents home.I stayed there a month and finally found a place of my own.Since I have been gone now since the end of Sept he has gone on a binge 3 times ,calling me accusing me of having sex with another man in his home and is going to put me in jail.I didn’t press charges against him because I was afraid he would come after me when he got out of jail.But I have gone to domestic counseling 2 times now and need more help to deal with the mental and physical abuse .He has put his hands on me the times in his rage and one time was going to hit me like a man in the face with his fist.I am lucky I got out alive because I taught he was going to kill me that day.I am so thankful for my family and friends for listing to me and helping me .I have lived with abuse before with my first husband for 10 years and I will never llive with it again.I am 53 years old and weigh 130 pounds and 5’4 tall he is a carpenter by trade and is very strong.He wants me to forgive him and come back ,but I am done and have realized now how bad my life was with him now.He doesn’t now where I live now and it makes him so mad,too bad .I am finally happy and thankful my new life.Meth is a very bad drug and needs to be stopped.
I recently found out My husband it’s doing it. Know I understand why his always accusing me of cheating, checking my phone and even my clothes. I have a 8 year old so I kick him out..I am really scare for him..I don’t want him to become addicted to this monster..but I can’t keep him around my son..I don’t know what to do..am so sad and scare for him.but my son comes first my husband it’d a good guy..but his becoming a monster I don’t know what to do
Used your information for a research paper for English 1A and found it be amazingly helpful!! Thanks so much 🙂 You have been an invaluable resource!!
I see it now. So scary. The stories above could have been written by me. Even after I left it took me a while to realizes what a sick and horrible relationship I was in. This drug is so scary. I prayed for my life so any times. Attacking me and walking over my body as he left the hotel room. I am here. I am alive hear me roar. Dec 15 is the court case. Yes scared for my life. But I will be there not only for me but for my daughter and all the other woman out there.
I have always had a suspicion that my wife is on meths it stemmed from me seeing a message from her bff with Police and drugs I asked her about this and she just giggled and said her friends thought she was on meths because a person who visited her from time to time had the stigma of meths use on her
Later in the year I came across a stash in a drawer andi confronted my wife and she giggled again but this time I askd where did this come from and how is it in our home. She said itmust be the ladies who visited from time totime and as she stayed one night she must of left it here. She also said it wasn’t meths and that it was a form of powder deodorant that was sold in her native country, I did not buy it anyhow our problems became more apparent with her rages not sleeping raging violently at 1 am in the morning til about 3 to 4 am banging doors threatening me etc.
She has now taken a temp restraining order against me with so many false accusations that really have affected and defamed my character her so called friends support her with applause on these actions, which really does not help. her mother even saw the stash and asked me to put it down the toilet. I was always hopeful that she would recognize she had a problem and we could address it together, but everytime we talked about it she would just enter into such a rage that I feared the neighbours might call the cops. One day she went into a pre-meditated rage and called the cops to get me out of my apartment which is solely in my name. I am currently no where near her and am in fact in another country. I have to return to attend and give my testimony on her restraining allegations soon. I am so worried that if she finds out where I am staying she will come around to make a pre-meditated scene so it will give her reason to call the cops and jail me for a violation. I also contacted her parents for help in helping her, I did not complain to them I merely asked them to join me in helping her. Her father just said he does not want to hear anything about his angel and he just said to get a divorce. I love my wife and care for her so much, I know she is not thinking with her own head its the meths that have taken over.
Can a restraining order be reversed and can I get her out of my apartment as I know she has her friends around and it concerns me my apartment will be turned into a meths den. My apartment is in a condo and has bylaws that could possibly be violated by her and her cronies. I feel I know who her supplier is but it seems nothing can be done about that woman supplier. I did mention this to the police when they came round and they just said no one can help your wife but God.
Can anyone advise me on this I would be so grateful
Yes it is very true that meth destroys people and relationships. Meth addiction has not only destroyed my relationship with my parents but with my boyfriend as well.it’s hard enough to be in a relationship and when we both got together a year and a half ago And started this evil drug it never gave us the chance to be. As sad as it is and all the fights we have been in physically and verbally, I know that we will always love eachother and want to be together but it will never be the same again I never made police reports but I have wanted to. I guess its better to have loved then lost, then to have never loved at all. That I learned the hard way loving this man that I still do but feel so hurt and have done way too much damage myself. I know that this is not worth my body my mind my spirit being broke anymore.
My story is so different and so similar. I have been married to my husband for 8 years and known him for 11. We have a 3 year old and a 8 year old both boys. I have been through his binges and then not using so many times it’s hard to count. I am done with the relationship and have been but am scared to leave. I know when I do he will try to kill me. I have been stabbed and beaten so many times It would be shameful for me to count, the worst part is on most occasions it happened in front of my kids. I can only hope and pray that he gets caught and then goes to prison, leaving now would be my death sentence. Please pray for me and my children that Craig’s meth making/using ways are numbered. I want to start living my life alone and happy with my children.
I or my abuser have never used meth but we have used and smoked cocaine and I have never felt so ashamed because he emotionally abuses me for days accusing me of things and sees things that never happened. He is also an alcoholic and my worse thing I could have ever done is used with him because he has gotten so mentally gone from drugs and drinking that the emotional abuse is so bad now he threatens to call my job, tell my family, and post things on Facebook he says for all to know that your a crack whore. I live a normal life with a good job and made the worst mistake participating with him using that I cannot leave him because I’m scared. The threats and the name calling and the accusations of me doing things that I’m not has me so terrified. I know I’m a terrible person for ever using but I want to get away from him and I can’t. I can’t even laugh or smile with other people he yells at me calls me names and then he comes to me for sex and expects me to act like nothing just happened and forces me to do it. I wish I had the strength to not be scared and leave.
Im wondering if there is anyone who can help me. 4.5 years ago, I had an excellent career, began a relationship with a partner who apparently used meth off and on for years. I had been under the impression she hadn’t used for many years. 1.5 years into our relatinship, she chose to use. Violence began immediately. I did not recognize this person. She used off and on for about 7 months. Abuse began. I had no family near and knew not what to do. I was told that if I told police or anyone she would kill me. When she would get sober, she would hate what she did and apologize. She had been a wonderful partner until the using began. I love her so very much. I finally left as the abuse would have cost my life. She asked me to come help her with her mortgage one last time. I did. That was it. She held me for 16 hours and I was lucky I was not carried out in a body bag. The police became involved. She went to jail for 6 months and escaped a prison sentence of 51 months with a zero tolerance probabion. I had long left her but kept missing the person I remembered who had been such a good mate. We reconnected on 10/2015 after she had been released from jail for 2 months. We were so happy to be together. She said she never wanted to use again as long as she lived. Over that Christmas, she used again. She went to prison and ended up with 36 months. She has been there for a year and has a year and a half to go. She says she believes God put her there before it was too late. She says she is a changed person and she will be 50 years old when she is released. She wants our life together as do I. My family is furious over it. I am concerned. I told her if she ever uses again, she will kill me. I deeply believe this. What I am trying to find out is can this person who has an amazing loving side to her change? She was a successful business owner for years. She was such a capable human being. Im trying to find out what the statistics are for violent users to change. I am now seeking counseling trying to understand why I love a human being so much that I am back in her home taking care of everything, taking this chance. I don’t know where to find data on the ability of these people to change.
I am new to this and it scares me to death. I am a disable women that can’t defend myself. I found out that the guy that I am living with the father of my son that’s now 18 years old and caregiver is doing meth for a year now. It scares me that one day he will abuse me. I always tell him to leave the house when he is using and not to come home until he is sober or what ever you call it. But he loves too pick fights with me. Not fist fights but verbal fights. Sometimes he get really mad and hit the wall or an appliance. I don’t know what to do. I have told him to move out but he won’t.
My husband is currently a user and his need for it has only increased the past years, when I found out he was using I tried to help. But I coulee watch him all the time his behavior only got worse even worse he got me to use as well witch half the time I would fake ingesting the drug just so he wouldn’t get angry. This drug has torn up my life I miss the man I fell in love with the man that would get on the floor and play with the kids, every night when we would go to sleep he would always say “this is the best part of the day” I dint hear those words anymore, all we do is fight I walk on eggshells so I don’t piss him off and cause a phisical fight. I want him to get get the help he needs but not jail that will just make the problem worse,how to u get someone into rehab for this without them being arrested? I love my husband I know he’s still inside buried deep but as time goes by I’m afraid I may have to giveup
Amazing Story been their.
There are no words that I could say to possibly relate to anything that you’ve been through. I’m only 20. Just turned the other day. Been in the same relationship for over 3 years, what started out to be a relationship with my best friend, turned into a mile long run just to avoid him. I feel the same way, you know, about loving him. Ill always love the man I fell in love with at the age 17. About a half a year ago, his whole life changed when he decided to get some new “speakers” placed in his car. He met the wrong guy, and asked for something a little stronger then the normal street xanex. Ever since then, he’s changed emensley. Ive find myself still constantly blaming my own self for all the things that go wrong. Through a period of time, even when he was still using I was emotionaly confused, and lost because of everything I felt I needed to handle, especially handling it on my own. I forgot things a lot of the times, I turned basically into a big crutch. Someone who always acted like the victim and made everything so drastic. During this time, he seeked change and I put him through a rough week. A week he will never seem to let me forget. He actually convinced me that I was crazy, or maybe mentally Ill. Everyone’s so sure that he such a bad person, and that he always has been, but I’ll still defend him to my very last days. He really is a good person, deep inside just not right now. I miss my lover, my best friend, my broccoli sprout. Sorry, I got a little mushy there. My pet names lol. We’ve been broken up for a month now, everyday I’ve been trying to get him back, after all the name callings, the abuse, I rather had gone through it all again just to have him close to me again. But today, today I went to his house to give him a ride down the street so he wouldn’t have to walk, keep in mind this is 15 or so miles there and back. I knew it was gonna happen, but I thought I’d give him the benifit of the doubt I always will, and he surely enough came out with a back pack and a jacket suited up like he was gonna be gone for a few days. I told him I wouldn’t give him a ride to get any more drugs, that I couldn’t do this to him anymore, I wanted to see him healthy and alive someday 20 years from now. He freaked out on me, told me “let’s go in the house to talk” and holds me by my face, squeezing it so hard I could fee my cheeks pressed against my teeth, pulling my hair and forcing me into the next room saying that I better give him a ride or else. I pleaded for him to get off of me, it took him forever. His excuse for it all was that I was screaming to loud. Believe me, it’s been forever since I’ve ever felt afraid of him. He beat me for the first 4 months or so then on and off when he’d get mad enough, and I’ve always stayed. But I put him through one bad week, it’s ” after everything, I still stuck around and you can’t help me out?” I then realized, leaving hearing and seeing him ball his eyes out that I didn’t want to be treated like this anymore. That yeah, I may have caused him a bad week but if he can’t forget or forgive me for that, how am I supposed to forget 2 years or more of everything I went through. I’ve never walked away from him crying or upset, ive always held him, babied him and “fixed” his problems. Never have I ever gotten any of that. I depend on my own hugs. My own sympathy. Of course it hurts me to see him like this, but I can now see that me saying I don’t want him to do drugs, I’m here for him, and assisting him or staying with him through it all isn’t going to change anything. His ex left him due to abuse, and is now living a happy life, who in which he will always love and adore. I’ve always never wanted to be the one who put him through what his ex did, but maybe it is okay this time to just let him figure this one out on his own. I feel that that’s the most respect I can give him. Sorry for the rant. This all just happened an hour ago, just got home and I’m trying to find the strength to shower, because a little part of me fears enjoying myself or doing something that benefits me while he’s at his moms house probably hurting himself, crying on the floor or feeling completely alone. I’m always so terrified for him, but I’m trying to tell myself I’ve done all I’ve could, he doesn’t really hate me, he will be alright. I forgot to mention, I don’t believe in a god, right now.. I really wish I did, I wish someone had an explanation for all of this.
I am the victim of abuse by husband who uses meth. We have been together since we were 15 (17 years). We were each other’s best friend, soul mates. He made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. 2 gorgeous children (13 and 10) our lives were full. We coached softball, our children wrestled, cheered, played softball/baseball, basketball. He was the light of our lives, until 2 years ago, when he discovered meth. This is the evilest,demonic drug that I cam think of. He has beaten and abused me, blames me for it. Blames me for losing his career of 13 years, his friends and family. It’s him and his drug abuse that has lost him all of those things. He beat me tonight, for the last time. I left and am staying with family. I learned that I can’t help him by staying, and he doesn’t want help. If he wants help and his family, he will do this alone. I was a victim of childhood abuse and molestation , lost my mother at 13 and was raped 1 month later. I think I’ve had enough abuse in my life. My children and myself are gonna have to learn to live without him.
Your wife can be evicted she’s not on the contract (lease), I know it’s hard to face, but we have to let go
Leave him right now
Your crazy for sittin there upkeeping the mortgage while they’re in prison, just so they can come home and start the process fresh
Yay!! Good for you!! I’m very proud of you
My husband was using meth for about a week and when he stopped he became this monster. He ended up burning our house down. We lost everything, thank God my children and I had left to stay with a friend that night because we were so scared of him.
Good for you! I wish I could be as strong as you I just found this page and been reading everyone’s posts.
I loved a man who lied about his drug use. Took a few years to realize that it was the meth that made him so selfish and mean at times. He would lose his temper with others. Then he lost it with me. Came and stood over me with a look of contempt. I was afraid. But he said he would never lay a hand on a woman. Then one day he lost his temper and he pushed me down. He yelled threats. When he cooled down he apologized. But that had to be the end of our relationship because if he did it once he would do it again. And next time it would be worse. It is over now. I don’t know why it took me so long…there were signs that he would never be able to love me the way I wanted or needed to be loved. But I stayed. This is where I drew the line and he knows it and has given up. It is hard but he is too dangerous.
Having been with a man for 6 months -I am now in my 4th week of his meth use. We had perfect 6 months. I am in love- still- but he was always a user of something… but I use alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine… I didn’t judge his use. He used suboxin a lot. I had never heard of it and was completely unfamiliar. He uses pot and may take pills like Xanax. But he didn’t use meth until a month ago. It was certainly a response to an emotional crash related to personal goals. But holy shit. The first outrageous tweek he became convinced I was using cocaine and had seen an old boyfriend to get it. He searched and destroyed my things- did cavity searches on me for 4 hours- made me take a drug test from cvs- which I passed so he didn’t believe – then he said he was leaving- I was taking him to an urban campsite- and I freaked and hit him in the car- I was drinking – but I was overwhelmed and furious and devastated too- this had been the most abusive night I ever in my life had – he was a different person- so bad- he hit me back and broke my tooth and gave me black eye. I dropped him off at th camp. Next day he back- naive I am- it not his fault because I hit him first. But he was iced – and it wouldn’t go away- he was here then gone then here- it’s a blur- I work 9-5 corp- he doesn’t work. That’s it’s own story. He became a zombie- with elevated moments- and I was trying to live through this thinking he would eventually come down. He I cleaned up – tried to sleep- over the next couple weeks. No more violence, but he was not the same person. Leaving for days here and there. But then in that third week- last week- he completely plummeted- i came home from work – he’s here he starts going though everything again, for hours. Picking through my smallest possession, digging through the back porch ashtray, going through the garbages, leaving everything out and distroyed in his wake. Then won’t let me out of his sight. Holding my hand hard and tight walking through the house looking hunting. More cavity searches. Won’t let me smoke or drink. All the time accusing me of lying to him – telling me if I came clean he would forgive me- He thought I had men I had been seeing . Scratches on my body were signs… I finally get him to let me lay down and I pass out. I am NOT on meth- just couple beers. He wakes me 5am and is leaving- I follow him out and he skateboards away. That night he back- same thing- but at some point he pushes me, chokes me, throws some things , then he goes gets a butcher knife and comes at me. I am certain I am cut and dead. He puts down the knife and hits me in the back and neck as I am curled in the floor. He finally leaves. I go to work and finally tell two friends that he’s on meth and almost killed me with a knife . I was never again talking to him. But that night again- he started nice apologizing. I met him at bar to talk- he stole my keys and said we gotta go for ride- I follow not wanting to make scene and he drives around – gets drugs- finally goes back home and proceeded to search and destroy again everything in the house- but this time he outright beats me – hard as shit- like man- he’s finding my belts and saying they are mans belt- going through the phone constantly – texting old boyfriends of mine- smashed tv- Waterford-antiques- me some more. Leaves. Ok. This is unbelievable. I meet him next night. Again appears to be sobering. I bring him home. But once again- hitting me- accusing me- I’m lying- he starts screaming at me- I am in a high end apt- I leave this time and he comes out- wants me to take him somewhere and I decline- he punches me in the face through the car window and bashed my car with his skateboard.
Ok- that is a rambling and rough overview- but today he calls me and I say no I’m not seeing him- it’s Saturday. Then I go out and my phone dies. When I get home- he had left messages that he checked himself into mental health.
So he may be there for days? Weeks? Idk- they are putting him on trazadone and something else.
Like Charlotte- I want to know- can This person ever be trusted? Can someone come out of this? I never saw violence in him before but this month of meth has culminated in the most extreme violence. Can treatment save him? Can counseling save us? If we actively engage in recovery is there hope? Or should I myself go to counseling to stay away? – and – ha- I’m 53 – he’s 32. We are both small humans- he 150 lbs I’m 110. We pretty- smart- I just got degree- he incredibly philosophical- bet he is sick- and now we are sick. I just wish I knew if there was any hope.
My boyfriend checked himself into a mental health faculty a couple days ago. He has now been admitted for inpatient care- hospitalization for what may be the foundation of his drug use.
He uses drugs to kill pain. He self medicates. He doesn’t always use meth. Suboxin heroine cocaine pot pills- anything that’s available will do the trick. And the pain lingers from extreme childhood trauma and abandonment.
So if he is professionally medicated- what are the chances he will be able to avoid the use of meth? –
so I hypothesis… he used suboxin for months straight. He felt strong clear & not high (most of the time)… he was always battling the comedown. It is very physical to withdraw from suboxin- extreme restlessness, muscle pain, sleeplessness… irritability. So he battled the balance of getting the drug and coming off the drug. His dealers weren’t always holding- and our financial situation was tightening… so it was a threat almost – facing running out… he was worried…. but he was almost stable during that period… when he was using suboxin
And when he chose to do the meth, he had been punched in the gut with terrible news, had realized he couldn’t do a job he really wanted – and was facing the fact he wanted to be free from suboxin. He just crashed and wanted a little bump. Yeah. We all know it doesn’t work that way. But my point is- he was stable- for months . If he can get in a drug that is cost effective – readily available- CVS… I am going to vote for recovery.
I am becoming convinced that most people using drugs and alcohol every day should be under the care of a medical professional. They have traumas and horrifying personal pain that they can’t cope with.
But When we self medicate we become who the drug makes us. When we are using prescribed drugs- the hope is that the drug can correct imbalances – regulate hormones- etc- and kill the pain without killing who we are. And talking to someone- purging- getting feed back so one isn’t spiraling into ones own head… suicide thoughts failure thoughts thoughts of distrust not good enough thoughts- worthlessness- And abandonment- horrifying verses that never quit- but to purge them- hear them and address them- holy crap-
i believe social dysfunction and abuse are not only the result of meth use –
but are the cause of it.
Find someone who is at peace with their life who has a problem with meth.
I vote for recovery.
Thank you for your story. I am still in it, but it gives me hope that if I ever do get out, I will survive.
Autumn if you see this please email me I’m new to recovering from abuse due to Meth abuse. I would like to connect with you
I’m just getting out. Half blind in my right eye! Tired of hiding. Tired of lying about why I lock myself inside to recover from the fighting. I take responsibility for my part too. He’s just stronger. Hes a weaker person though. I came close to losing myself! That’s how you snap out of it! When you get tired of living the lift you know werent put on earth to live. Hopefully it bothers you and you go! I’m and tired of being told all the things I’m not everything opposite. He went to jail for 3 weeks and came out worse. Everything’s my fault I get blamed for everything. Now he stalks me and is just crazy. He’s 40 years old he has kids. In no way is this life that life his life fun healthy and not a lie. Everything is a lie everything is someone else’s fault and no one is real around him. They can have that life. After one week of being without him I felt so relieved and already so happy I’ve walked away and I’m still walking away. I knew that once I got rid of him and that drug things would turn around for me. It happen instantly. I understand that you have to be ready and it is a process. Hopefully you can get your plan B strong and stick to it. My mind is way stronger than his so I was able to do the drug while working towards my goals deal with a lot of setbacks and stuff while still slowly moving forward. It took longer but I’m still here. I almost died quite a few times. And yes I sat there asking myself what the hell am I doing this for what am I really doing this for? As time went on eventually there’s no reason or excuse that I could even come up with. Now I can’t even believe I was in that position I can’t even believe I was close to that position. I think I am borderline attic however my strong mind and the fact that I have a son helps me a lot I fall down a lot but I come up swinging every time like Tiger Woods wife get up and do it girl get it together it’s worth it you’re worth it be you do you. Excuse the lack of punctuation and misspelled words as I got hit in the head quite a few times just had three eye surgeries because my retina became detached. I am not proofreading and this is a voice text. I hope it motivates you I hope it helps someone because someone helped me. I can only see out of my right eye I needed my right eye I love to cut hair and paint also watch my kids grow up. Hint hint good luck
It’s very comforting to know that there’s a place that we can share our stories and know there’s other women who have gone through what I have endured the past 4 years. About 4 years ago I moved out on my own to attend school and work towards becoming a nurse. During that time I thought I had met the man I would spend the rest of my life with. He was thoughtful, loving, and we got along great. A few months into our relationship he started acting completely different. Not wanting to spend time together, him becoming overally jealous and looking through my phone and computer. I didn’t realize he was on meth at this time, or that he was lying and cheating on me. It took a long time to realize and accept that he was on meth and was using regularly. I started failing school, becoming depressed and with major anxiety, and losing myself as a person day by day. He ended up in prison for stealing vehicles and all kinds of terrible things. I finally let go. Changed my number, did not want anything to do with him ( meth use caused him to be in and out of jail/prison for 3 years). I gave him way too many chances and was finally finished. I still live with his meth user buddies messaging me over fb, showing up at my door. It gets really scary at times. I honestly live in fear every day of my life. There’s still alot of pain and struggle accepting what had happened, but I have thrown myself back into college, have received straight A’s the last semester, and have found myself again. Meth users will definitely take you down with them and not have a care in the world about it. I hope that for everyone out there dealing with the physical and emotional abuse of a meth user, you’re able to leave and regain your life back.
Hi Mary! I got out of an abusive relationship in the past year and would find alot of comfort in connecting with someone that has gone through the same thing. Feel free to email me
I am waiting to testify at trial against my meth-addicted bf who punched me. We were together over 7 years and it was never perfect but meth made it a living hell the last 2. He started prostituting himself to get meth (just found this out) so now I’m wondering if I have any STD’s. I gave and gave and was patient and supportive and what I got was that I was the “enemy” and threats of being killed and finally punched. He has written me from jail begging me not to press charges, and of course, part of me feels bad because I still love him. I know prison is not a great place. But I can’t help but think it may be the best place for him over the next 20 months because he will have to get sober. Who knows, he may actually grow as a human being. God knows all my support and love didn’t help. And punching me was totally NOT cool. I would never punch him even with all the shit he has put me through. Right now I’m trying to go through the mourning of this relationship and slowly regain sanity after all the insanity his meth behavior brought into my life.
You sound like your speaking my story. Stay strong and break free !!! I’m still trapped in this hell of addiction cause of my ex bf !!
Our stories are so similar.. I’m still lost in this cycle of abuse addiction and depression … I’m a survivor and I will not let him break me. He won’t leave me !!! It’s almost like I’m a drug to him. I just want to be free !!
I’m so so sad my husband was using idk if he still is I left and see him maybe once a week … when he’s here or I’m there he sleeping in excess of 14 hours a day falling asleep driving etc he wants me to come home as I’m pregnant and we have a two year old but how can I trust he’s not using how do I know … is his excessive sleeping a result of not sleeping and using when I’m not around I want to go home so bad I want this nightmare to be over he was getting aggressive paranoid wouldn’t let me leave the bedroom for much and I was scared for me and my children started accusing us of ” being up to something” and not sleeping 5/6 days at a time getting angry when I slept I just don’t know started talking to me in ways he never did before calling me whores cunts …. I’m just looking for tips on how to know if he’s using if I’m not around much
I have been with my husband for 15 years and share a 13 year old daughter. His meth use started when I was pregnant with her and then got really bad after she was born. He has abused me mentally, emotionally, and physically. But, luckily no where near the extent of all these other posts. His drug use causes him to inflict pain on himself. While using, he has headbutted a window causing his head to go thru and get stuck which landed him in surgery for 6 hours and the doctor told him 2 more cm closer to his spine would have landed him in a wheelchair or a vegetative state for the rest of his life. You think he would have learned from that and cleaned up his act…but not my husband! He has been in fights, lost jobs, been arrested for domestic violence all because of his drug use. He is also bipolar so is on 3 different medications for that. So when he uses, he goes off his meds. And that’s when he really looses it! A couple weeks ago, I found him downstairs, crying and taking A lot of pills. So, I called 911 and he got taken to the hospital only to be released the next day. I was hoping they could at least keep him on a 51/50 hold or at least refer him w an appointment w a psychiatrist! But nothing. So, he’s back to using. He has attempted in patient rehab twice. Once for a month. The other time 3 months and then went to NA after released. He wasn’t even sober for 6 months before going back to meth. He hasn’t worked in 5 years. I work 2 jobs and pay all the bills… while he goes fishing all day and smokes meth! Unlike everyone else on this site I don’t love him anymore. I don’t even like him. My daughter doesn’t have anymore respect for him anymore either. I have asked him to leave. But he tells me he has no money and nowhere to go…I tell him, ” well you sure find places to go when you are using!” I once loved him very much but those feeling are gone now. I could easily take my daughter and move out…but why should we have to be the ones to move and have our lives disrupted when he is the one ruining them!
I’ve been dealing with the same thing. I’ve always kind of knew my bf was using but never had the proof and he would just deny. He never really physically abused me. But the verbal abuse was a constant. I’d deal with him not coming home till late hours of the morning than he started to not come home till the very next evening.Id get so angry and think how come it’s okay for u to do this and I can’t even hang out with a few gfs after work.
Anyway when I finally found the proof I needed I thought i would leave, but i loved him to much to just leave so i i let him know i found it and smashed it. He’s always been a very good dad and a great provider worked hard. but could never keep a job for more than a yr.
anyway. just recently this year actually. His behavior has worsened. The mood swings and temper heals gotten worse. and one day he was hallucinating that I let a man in the house and was hiding him hed follow me all over the house. look in closets under the bed in the shower just making a mess looking for someone he thought he saw and heard it scary me I had to leave.
But went home after a week. everything went back to normal for awhile then within the next couple of months he had become over paranoid about me cheating calling me a whore and assuming I was cheating and bringing these men home in our bed. and I just couldn’t under stand why he thought these things I’m a stay home mother I dont have a car or a job and barely left my house.
As soon as hed walk through the door he was on edge and looking around the house in closets pulling sheets down to look at them looking in the dirty laundry. then my phone he spent hours on my phone asking me literally who each and every member in the phone was. it became so exhausting that big fight would break out cause I couldn’t handle the accusations and even if I was telling him the truth. he wouldn’t believe me. anyway now I’m dealing with him being up all night and I wake up catching him just staring at me and sometimes he’s so irratable and he just ripped the blanket off me he gets mad when I sleep on the edge of the bed he continues to look in the closet and bathroom all through the night finding things that I’ve had for years but thinking they’re new.He tells at me thinking I’m fake sleeping. it scares me. if I’m in the shower when he gets home that causes a fight. I sleep in my kids room that causes a fight he leaves all the lights on in the house and continually comes in the room to check on me he even asks me what did u say I heard u talking to someone and I’m just tripping out because I wasnt talking at all for like the last hour or 2. I want to leave but I dont want to abandon him . I know he’s a good person deep down inside but i feel like I can’t help him. and it hurts. why is it so hard for me to leave? I know it might be partly due to fear. but I jus can’t do this anymore 🙁
These stories are blowing my mind. My bf has tortured me in similar ways for the past 8 months. He is in jail now,,,facing strangulation charges and I am in a women’s shelter. I love him and I’m just sooooo lost right now
As I read all of these stories it gives me the strength to let go. I was with my ex for about 4 years. Off and on he has been sober due to going to jail and being court ordered. This last stint I thought he was finally going to stay sober. We made plans to move in together and he was the sweetest ever. We were so in love, or so I thought. The one thing I kept hearing from him was that if he used again he felt like he was going to die and didn’t want that to happen. I thought I could save him. I really thought I could make him feel safe, loved and be taken care of. I am not a saint. I have my vices. I like to drink and sometimes go a bit overboard. The last week or so when things were ending I could see the change in him. He would talk different. Wouldn’t answer my calls when I could call him and then just act suspicious. I would call him out on it but he would get irritated and hang up. Then I could hear it in his voice one day. I could hear the meth voice that he makes. He didn’t think I knew him that well but I did. I just said… please be safe and please stay with me. He shrugged off what I said. Two days later he came to my house. Wow. He tried to play it off but I could tell how he was acting. He would tell me that he was sick and hot and not feeling well. He would get up a lot and go to the bathroom. It was weird. There is nothing in there. Then he weighed himself and said that he was losing weight and wanted to get fit again. All these signs were pointing to it. I looked in his eyes and said please tell me the truth… I can see it in your face. He denied and denied. But there was nothing I could do. He proceeded to tell me that we aren’t meant to be together and it wasn’t going to work. I knew it was because I told him that if he uses again that I would leave him and never look back. He left and then a couple days later I go to his house. The day before he was upset at me and calling me names. I was a liar and a cheat and it was just escalating. I came over the next day and he tried to have sex with me and he was denied. He was so upset and pissed off. Then would go to the bathroom and yell at me and would hurt me and tell me to leave. I wouldn’t leave. I didn’t want it to end and I would yell right back at him while he hurt me. I wasn’t a pussy. I would never give in if someone is hurting me. So I sit there and wait until he calms down. We leave and hang out at bars. We had an ok day but I got too drunk and passed out. The next day we get up go to breakfast and another bar. I got so intoxicated that I blacked out and all of a sudden I come to and my hand is cut and I needed to go to the ER to get stitches. After that he ghosted me. He won’t tell me what happened. He won’t answer any of my calls or texts.
All in all this is still fresh. It’s been over a week since I have talked to him and each day does get easier. I am slowly gaining my self respect again. Usually times like these he calls me and tries to get ahold of me but this time he is not. A part of me is scared for him but most of me is telling me to stay far away and just never look back. Either way I am happy but sad this is happening but I can’t let it destroy my life anymore. I hope this story helps someone and in turn helps me.