Despite many findings that show almost equal amounts of abuse perpetrated against
men and women, the media and government focus the most attention on the female victims of domestic violence. Men are largely silent on the issue because of the perception that men are physically stronger and should be able to subdue a female attacker easily. Those men who do report physical violence are more likely to be ridiculed–both by law enforcement and by the public–than women are. More money is spent on women’s programs, and more crusades are launched on behalf of women who are victims of domestic violence despite the fact that men are almost equally or in some cases more likely to be victims of both physical and psychological abuse.
Although there has been an increase in the number of fatal domestic violence incidents against women, men are more likely to be victims of attacks with a deadly weapon. According to one study, 63% of males as opposed to 15% of females had a deadly weapon used against them in a fight with an intimate partner.
What is worse than the statistics, however, is the fact that there has been little research in the area of domestic abuse against men because neither the Justice Department nor any other agencies will fund such research. Because they refuse to do the research, people are able to perpetuate such myths as women are only violent when defending themselves, or that men could more easily leave a violent relationship.
Because of lack of funding, there are also few shelters that cater to men. Most shelters available will only take women and children, and some even have an age limit on the boys that they will take in (13 years old).
There is some help for male victims of domestic violence. MenWeb (www.batteredmen.com) offers resources for men, as well as a place for them to tell their story. There is also a Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (1-888-7HELPLINE) operated by a nonprofit in Harmony Maine. Clark University and Bridgewater State University are currently conducting a study on male victims of domestic abuse.
Men who suffer domestic violence can only receive help if they break the silence. Not reporting domestic violence because of the stigma attached is the main reason that men currently receive few services, and one of the reasons that studies on the issue are so few.
Sources:
Figure taken from MenWeb: CDC/DOJ Survey Men more often victims of intimate partner violence. http://www.batteredmen.com/NISVS.htm
Philip Cook,”The Truth About Domestic Violence”. From the book Everything You Know is Wrong (Russ Kick, 2002). Published by The Disinformation Company.
Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women. http://dahmw.org/
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Very interesting article… but leaves so many questions unanswered. Are we talking about domestic violence incidents (random act of violence between intimate partners) in which these 40% of men were victims of severe physical violence or are we talking about domestic violence as a pattern of behavior used to control the other. There is a difference. Also I would love to have known if any of these victims were at one time perpetrators of violence against their attackers. Were these victims in same sex relationships? The dynamics in same-sex domestic violence can be different than heterosexual ones… I would also love to have seen where the stat that men or almost equal or more likely to be victims of physical and psychological abuse…. I can’t help but recognize the minimization of the fact that more women are killed in domestic violence incidents in an effort to highlight the fact that more men are victims of attacks with a deadly weapon… Well I tend to think that if someone is going to attack their abuser, who is stronger than them, and would most likely kill them, they would have to use something more than a hair brush… (I’m just saying…); not to minimize the fact that men can and are often victims of domestic violence.
This article minimizes and erases the fact that the VAST majority of violence- against women AND men- is perpetrated by men.
And, seeing as women are raped, abused and killed BY MEN every minute of every single day- and THEY ARE ROUTINELY OVERLOOKED- I see this as another attempt to “special snowflake” male victims. Nobody should be a victim of violence, but let’s NAME THE AGENTS AND THE PERPS here. MALES.
Having been the victim of DV by my x partner this comes to no surprise. She has/still conducts DV on a regular basis. I have never been violent towards her. I am very able to defend myself, I just could not bring myself to do so, harming others is not in my nature, let alone someone I loved. Her violence stems from an abused childhood and has mental issues because of it.
Until recently I have never reported the abuse, which has been going on for a little over 2 years. As is normal with this sort of thing, having a lot of trouble getting people to believe me. I’m not a huge bloke, but I am far larger than she is. Perception is everything though, she acts the victim, says I have abused her and the children. I never have or will do such a thing, but because my reproductive organs are on the outside I’m automatically the bad guy.
DV happens to all types of people, I don’t give a who is doing it. IT HAS TO STOP. Nor should it matter to anyone else who is hitting/abusing who. We should be spending more time working on stopping the violence and less time pointing fingers.
Men are victims. I am currently serving a 2 year probation period for a simple assault with DV. I am a man. I was also hit, scratched, kicked and more by my ex. 3 years after leaving her she stopped by my home. I couldn’t get her to leave.
I made a huge mistake by grabbing her and removing her from my home then locking the door. I should not have grabbed her. It doesn’t (nor did it matter) that she was hitting me and threatening me.
I lost my firearms rights, my home, job, damaged credit, dog and 90% of my personal belongings. Fines, mandatory jail time, embarrasement and more is a cross that I bare.
I am now committed to the reform of DV law. No witness or evidence is required to ruin a mans life. Immediate incarceration, no drop policy and bias are the results. My statement was never taken.
I have no history of violence. I do have a new life and commitment to do what I can to see that men are created as equals. We have a long way to go.
Men are typically larger than women and we are stereotyped as being the aggressors. The current laws in place are used as a weapon against men without a second thought.
I am not angry, more saddened and shocked. You would never think this could happen until it does.
I was charged with a DV because an ex girlfriend of mine (that I had no relationship status) decided to come to my home.
Minimizing the use of a weapon by a woman because a man is larger than a woman is insensitive and ignorant.
A woman can accuse a man of threatening her, or touching her without a witness or evidence and he will loose his weapons privileges for life without any chance or getting them back?
I owned over 20 hunting guns. Where is disabling firearms privilege relevant? I had no weapon. Now I have no weapons. Do people really think that a man would need a weapon ? Where are the statistics of recidivism?
Now that there is a no contact order in place (thank goodness) – am I more likely to run out and find another woman to abuse? Would I use a weapon when I had no history of violence in the past?
Things have gone way to far and men have no defense.
Abuse is not only physical.
I am ashamed that our politicians have used this as a tool to pander to voters to their benefit. Catering to whom to gain what? Non of it makes any sense other than to disarm and punish law abiding citizens.
My ex calls me constantly. If I answer the phone I will go to jail. Where is the fairness with this?
All I can hope for is change. If it doesn’t come soon, I want out of this country.
Hi Michael, hi to everyone here to all DV victims specially to men-victims! Michael I am trully sorry to hear what happened to you. Would you like to participate in something what might help to stop in the future gov. And public bulls about DV? Let’s show the true together to the world!
I am a victim of DV that was perpetrated by my spouse. I am male and could quite easily cause major harm to my wife. However, I choose not to harm her in any way. Now, 10 years later I finally broke away. I was beaten with a 2×4, stabbed, hot foods poured on me, raped (yes, it happened…just think the the 2×4 played a major role in that) and a host of other things that she did to me, all in the name of love.
Had I touched her at all, I would have been arrested. I agree with Michael in regards to how things are different for male victims versus females. I now understand the stigma that comes with the abuse and not reporting these horrible acts that were perpetrated upon me. I am scarred for life and luckily, have my children with me now. I say that I am scarred, but am learning to move on. While my children will have me attached to the mother for the rest of my life, I will never allow her or anyone else to demoralize me such as she was able to do. The sad thing to me is that I accepted the beatings, afraid of what the police would do to me…the victim. Mainly because I am a big man. How do you justify getting beat down by a 5’9″ 180 pound woman and I am 6’2″ and 240 pounds? The police would have looked at me andsaid, “Yea, right buddy. You have the right to remain silent!!”
I am so very interested in learning more about DV and the outcomes. Things definitely need to change!
Men I am so saddened to hear your stories. I have a good male friend that is a victim of DV. He loves his girlfriend so much that he will not even report her to the police. I even try telling him that if the shoe was on the other foot that she would have been had him locked up. I am currently working on a non-profit domestic violence foundation and trust me , men you guys have not be forgotten. I made it know that I do not just cater to women and children but men as well. Men please support each and start reporting your abuse. Abuse is Abuse..No one deserves it!!!
“There is NO EXCUSE for DOMESTIC ABUSE” No matter the gender of the victim. Men please, start reporting your abuser (wife, girlfriend, whoever it is) You don’t have to suffer in silence. All of the “good We hear you and want you to be safe.
Oops sorry deleted an important part
“There is NO EXCUSE for DOMESTIC ABUSE” No matter the gender of the victim. Men please, start reporting your abuser (wife, girlfriend, whoever it is) You don’t have to suffer in silence. All of the “good times” cannot erase the abuse. We hear you and want you to be safe.
Here’s my story every time me and my gf fight I’m always scared to call the cops because who would believe me? She hits me scratches me throw stuff on me all I do is stop her and push her away coz how would I protect myself from getting beat up by her. Then if cops arrive I’ll be the one who’ll get arrested. Law for domestic violence isn’t fair or equal.
I am so sorry for you guys. I think it is stupid that men don’t have the same rights to be free from abuse that women do. I am a survivor of child abuse, sexual assault, and domestic violence. I grew up in a world where it was greatly overlooked. So, I know how it feels. I’m 5’10 and 250 lbs. (and I’m not very fluffy.) When I filed for help from my very angry husband, 6’1 and 120 lbs, they did nothing. Just because you look all big and tough doesn’t mean you are.
I believe this article with all my heart! I am an actual victim of domestic violence…I am a male! I was put through the courts twice from two different woman for the same thing…THEY SAID THAT “I HIT THEM” OR “ATTACKED THEM”! These false allegations against me are horrible…this make me want to be violent because society and the people are allergic to facts and logic! I have been hurt so deeply by this situation because these domestic violence charges do not go away it ruins lives…My life has been forever altered because woman of today are cowards they cant hurt men physically so they let the police and society handle their dirty work! I am willing to bet my life that over half of these so called domestic violence allegations against men are false
Our judicial system is corrupt…It all starts with the woman’s deception, then the stupidity and arrogance of the police get involved, then from their money is spent on a lawyer who will not actually do anything for you accept give you little information and then ultimately old white men wearing black robes to decide your fate…
this comment is for the Asian lady XIao Mao who left a comment about men being snowflakes…first of all Asian woman are the leading factors of falsely accusing men of domestic violence!! I should know this to be true especially since I have 2 DV charges against me from Asians.
Your comment is exactly why nothing gets done on either side of the spectrum! No case should ever be over looked…I am innocent…I would bet my life that more then half the men regarding DV are innocent! Woman have been getting smarter over the years.. Woman are the true aggressors knowing that men aren’t suppose to hit them and that with one phone call in their anger can ruin a mans life…
RAPE AND MURDER are different from the normal DV charges of today…do not compare rape and murder with DV…Woman of today are cowards I’ve seen too much of it…NOT ALL WOMAN! Woman get angry hit slap punch nag lie cheat steel scratch threaten berate and call the police against men to gain control of a situation that they are in!!!
Woman of today manipulate the system to get what they want when they are angry!!!!!!
I am a woman who grew up seeing domestic violence and swore I would never be a victim. I thought I had read all the books and did all the homework and still ended up in one. I was one who thought that if a woman hit a man he deserved it. I spent years moving so my children would see that you leave when you are abused and I thought I had to worry about my girls ending up in an abusive relationship, however it was my son. I seen my son on the floor with his arms covering her face while she hit him I came in the house and made her quit. I couldn’t call the police because it was my rental apartment and I would get evicted and I couldn’t be homeless with my children again and my daughters were still young. There was a police officer at a meeting and I told him about it and his comment I didn’t see it so I can’t believe it. My son is a strong young man and he could take care of himself however he won’t hit a woman because of what he seen happen to me. You know the saying “Real Men don’t hit woman” then why are we so ignorant as a society to realize instead of giving these men honor for not defending themselves we belittle them or don’t believe them. More information has to be made public so that people see the truth
An overlooked fact is that men do not report abuse by a female because of the concern of not being believed, or that the incident will be turned around on them once police are involved. Here’s the clasic scenario: A woman is abusive, the man calls the police, the police arrive, she begins to cry and tells them that the man was the attacker or that she attacked him because she was “threatened” “afraid” or “scared”, the man gets arrested. The man is aware of the high likelihood of this scenario playing out so he takes the abuse rather than reporting.
Also, men are conditioned to take physical abuse from a woman. A man is taught to disregard a shove, slap or punch from a woman. For most men, police involvement is the end of the relationship and many men are not willing to end a relationship from a mere shove, slap or punch. It often is not until a female abuser attacks with a weapon that a man makes the determination that the relationship is over. This also goes to the fact that men are more likely to be stabbed or suffer serious bodily injury at the hands of a female abuser – he never reported the attacks prior. But again, we have the scenario where the female alleges she stabbed him because she was “afraid” or “defending herself”.
Proponents of the status quo would likely argue that there are no statistics to support the above. Admittedly there aren’t because unreported is unreported, and reporting for male victims is all too often more hassle than its worth considering the outcome. For many men, the best possible scenario for reporting is nothing happens, the worst is they go to jail. It’s what’s known as a “double bind”.
My Girlfriend has “BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER” Look it up, and you will see that this disorder is an extremely dangerous situation to be in any sort of relationship with them.
The “Borderline” can be perfectly fine one moment, and the next moment in complete “RAGE” and become “EXTREMELY VIOLENT” WITH UNMEASURED AMOUNTS OF AGGRESIVE VIOLENT FORCE.
She punched me , slapped me, pulled my hair, hit me in the head with her fist, elbowed me in the chest, kicked me in the legs, stomped on my toes , kicked me in the ankles, and then, PULLED A 10 INCH KITCHEN KNIFE ON ME, AND GRABBED MY THROAT AND HELD THE KNIFE TO MY THROAT AND YELLED AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS “SHE WAS GOING TO KILL ME” “SHE STARTED TO SWING THE KNIFE WILDLY AT MY CHEST AND THROAT AREAS, AND I THOUGHT THAT I WAS IN THE FIGHT FOR MY LIFE, AND DIDN’T THINK I WAS GOING TO MAKE OUT OF THERE ALIVE. SHE WAS INCOHERANT OF HERSELF, AND WAS IN A STATE OF ” COMPLETE EXTREME RAGE”.
I backed up and tripped and fell to the floor, and she kicked me repeatedly in the legs and ankles, and then all of a sudden she turned the KNIFE on herself and said she was going to cut herself open, and we can pour salt in it. She then took handfuls of her “anxiety” medications, and another handful of her pain medication, and I knew she was contemplating “SUICIDE”, just maybe she thought of what she had done, (but a borderline only thinks in black and white, or all good or all bad).
I was able to knock the medication bottles out of her hands, but she still had the KNIFE, and that is where the struggles began, and that is where the marks on her arms came from, and that was where I made the mistake and grabbed her, and STRUGGLED WITH HER again and again to get the knife away from her, AND SHE CUT MY HAND WITH THE KNIFE. SHE FINALLY STOPPED FROM EXHAUSTION AND LAID DOWN ON THE BED.
She fell asleep that night and I watched over her , just in case she might stop breathing from all the medication she took, she woke up in the morning and made us both a piece of peanut butter toast, and coffee, and then left the house.
The police were over to the house a few hours later, and I was arrested for several Domestic Violence charges.
She fabricated a story, that I attacked her and beat her, and that is how the system works.
It’s a one way street for Domestic Violence against woman, and there is nothing any man can do to stop it, except to expose the ” WOMEN THAT ABUSE MEN”.
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC ABUSE.
” WE NEED TO STOP THE VIOLENT AGGESSION AND ABUSE FROM WOMEN AGAINST MEN IN THIS COUNTRY”
I AM A TRUE VICTIM OF PHYSICAL ABUSE BY MY GIRL FRIEND, AND NOW I FACE SEVER CHARGES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
“WE NEED TO BE MORE VERBAL IN OUR EFFORTS TO STOP WOMENS ABUSE TOWARDS MEN.
I have a story that is very simular to others, I am phisicly able to subdo my wife but can not bring myself to hit back. The verbal abouse almost hurts more than the scar on my forehead. Before we married I knew her family had relationship isues, but like many in love I let myself believe it would not be a problem. I only let her hit on me on two ocasions before I took serious action (demanded she move out & called the police).
The first, after only a few months of maraige things were not well with us, I insisted for weeks that we go to counseling. I attended the first few meeting alone. I finally told her (phone TXT as she was at work) that if she would not attend counseling I was leaving. I hitched up the camper then took it to a little lake. After work she came to the lake to pick up my little step-daughter (her daughter). I asked her to take the girl & leave me, but she was so furious at me that she commensed to punching then once I was down on a bed she kicked my head until she was tired, the hole time trying to pry my hand to remove my ring but could not even when she had a kitchen knife (she did not cut me). I called the police to leave a phone statement (that was almost a waste of time, later when I needed it for the divorce it was short & incorrect). Days later, she told how she had cheated on me, we started counseling together but she only did the mininum.
The second, several months later, the girls had fallen asleep watching TV. The next morning I was woken to my wife yelling at my little step-daughter then seen the girl sobing as she walked to her room. I questioned for about an hour if I was to allow this to continue. My wife was asleep by the TV, I woke her then said she was welcome to go to her folks if she was to act like this. After repeeting several times trying to convince her I was serious, she threw & broke a glass drinking glass on my forehead. I got quite noisy after this then yelled loud enough for her mother on her phone to hear that I was leaving to the police then the ER for stitches. She spent a few nights in jail, her mother bailed her even after telling me she was tired of helping her daughter (my wife) getting out of such trouble.
I wanted to file for leagal separation & various counseling. But my wife chose divorce. The divorce is almost final, I am getting no help for being “the victum” because I am the man. And worse yet I have very limited rights to even see my little step-daughter.
Domestic Violence against men is real. The VAWA needs serious repair in regards to False allegations of abuse. For Illegal Immigrants, it’s a quick ticket to getting that green card. Here’s how it works:
First, you meet a woman from abroad and begin a relationship with her. After several months and years of dating, you pop the question, make plans to marry and bring her over here to the States. Her next move is to claim Domestic Violence, use the VAWA to help her in self petitioning for the green card. Meanwhile, you are jailed, lose the access to your property and your belongings. While incarcerated, she cleans out the property, trashes the home and leaves you with the bill while you are no longer allowed by law to own or possess a firearm without Due process of Law. Been there, done that.
It is true that men can and are abused. Believe me I have seen the results when my grandson was beaten by his partner of 5 years and have a child together. He was taught that you Never hit a women; so when attacked he would cover his head to try to protect himself from what ever at the time was being used to beat him, frypan, fists, finger nails etc. She is obsessed, jealous, even when at work she is constantly trying to reach him. He no longer has a cell phone because she took his Iphone and smashed up against a wall. To be honest I kept hoping they could work things out with therapy however I did not know at the time how often the beatings were taking place. So for those of you that may not believe a man can be abused please think again.