Domestic violence and its effects spill over into the workforce on a regular basis. The statistics are staggering, yet often overlooked. The Family Violence Prevention Fund notes that 74 percent of working, battered women are harassed by their partners while at the workplace. The U.S Dept. of Labor, Bureau of Labor statistics, in 2000, found homicide to be the second leading cause of death on the job. The number of rapes and sexual assaults committed against women on the job number above 25,000 according to the U.S Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor. Further, over one million women are stalked annually in the United States and at least of quarter of them admit to missing work due to the stalking. The effects of domestic violence in the workplace are felt by employees and employers alike. Productivity, absenteeism, job loss and increased health insurance cost are all results of domestic violence. A report by the Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department entitled “Domestic Violence and the Workplace” cites that domestic violence costs employers between $3-5 billion each year.

Employee Effects

Lack of productivity occurs as a result of the victim being distracted. Inability to concentrate is often due to worrying about being harassed on the phone or in-person, legal/court responsibilities and depression.

Missing work or showing up late to work is often symptomatic of domestic violence. Injury, shame and outside medical or legal responsibilities often contribute to absence or tardiness.

Job loss is an unfortunate side effect of domestic violence. According to CrisisPrevention.com studies show that anywhere from 25% all the way up to 90% of victims had lost a job or resigned as a result of these issues.

The stigma of being a domestic violence victim continues to be a major issue. It forces victims to miss work, hide or lie to family and friends at work. Less than half of all victims report their situation to their supervisors according to the American Institute on Domestic Violence. Even with all of the statistics surrounding domestic violence in the workplace many employers maintain a hands-off approach to dealing with the matter.

Employer Actions

Employers are aware that domestic violence has a negative effect on the workplace. They know that it affects productivity and attendance. Companies are also aware that domestic violence increases their health insurance costs. They also know that workplace conditions would improve if the matters were addressed within the business. Employers can actively engage in preventing, or reducing, the effects of domestic violence on the workplace, by implementing several different approaches.

Several options exist for companies that seek to take a more active role in suppressing the effects of domestic violence. Companies should have a defined domestic violence workplace policy in effect, complete with security measures and leave policies. Both managers and employees should undergo training and have access to educational materials. Alliances with domestic violence prevention organizations, educators and law enforcement should be established. Even using health plans that have domestic violence services, including counseling, would be beneficial. Ultimately, until employers take an active role in workplace domestic violence issues, things will not change. Hopefully with education and awareness change will come.

Later there would be coerced escapades staged that I was to take part in with him and his friends, that made me feel so small, so worthless. He would use drugs and alcohol, his personality was not easy to read. If he had a bad day at work, I was the one who would get beat, or pushed, or emotionally abused until he felt better. He would put me down, not allow me to wear make-up because to him it was a sign I was trying to look good for his friends. Certain clothing was no longer allowed, my hair was never right. To try and strangle me, throw knives and keys with sharp objects on them became the norm. He would call multiple times a day; and if I had not answered by the 3rd ring; he was certain I was having an affair and I would get his wrath when he came home from work, we had a corded phone, so I had to drag it around the house with me, I had to pull the phone into the bathroom to bathe, to use the toilet whatever it took, as long as I could hear the phone and get it before the 3rd ring I was safe.

There was no visiting friends, or family alone, he would send me out to get him cigarettes really late at night and have me walk a few miles to get them; our neighborhood was scary at night with gangs infiltrating and random shootings. His type of abuse was very blatant and came on so quickly it seemed and so strong; I had no idea how I would escape. He never worked double shifts at work, and when he did stay away from home, he was having an affair; yet still managed to stay in contact at home by phone or by having a friend of his “check in on me”. If I mentioned my unhappiness and how I thought we should separate, or go to counseling, he was angry. He took parts out of my car so it wouldn’t start and hid them until he got home. Eventually he worked a double-shift for the first time in a year and a half. This was my opportunity. I had snuck a few cents or a dollar from him over the last year and had a little less than $25.00 to my name hidden in the closet. I called my family and told them what had been happening and that I had to get my children and I out of the house and I desperately needed their help, and I had 8 hours to get out with anything of importance. Family came from out of town, my mother opened her house to me and my two children, I was to find out a few days later that I had left him; 8 days pregnant with our 3rd child. He denied that she was his; spreading false rumors to our neighbors that I’d had an affair. I didn’t, she was his and looked just like his side of the family when she was born. I didn’t know a thing about how restraining orders worked back then, but I bluffed and said I had one and he was to stay away. Come to find out he’d been having numerous affairs and fathered a child with one woman he was with. I filed for divorce after our 3rd baby was born; he didn’t show up to court. I hadn’t heard from him again for 22 years. He never visited the kids; he was heavily into street drugs and drinking and had kept under the table jobs in order to not pay child support and even ended up homeless. Point is I had to find my courage to make a move, strategize and get help as soon as I could. My story doesn’t end there, but it’s enough for now.

Someone who has endured psychological abuse bears scars of their own, however. Psychological abuse, also called emotional or mental abuse, involves behavior that creates mental trauma. The behavior can take the form of verbal attacks, controlling behavior, or jealous behavior and can involve intimidation, threats, and forced isolation from friends and family.

Psychological abuse of this sort can cause long-lasting damage. It can result in the development of disorders like post-traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder, anxiety disorders, and/or depression. These problems may linger long after the abusive relationship has ended, thus begging the question: is mental abuse just as bad as physical abuse?

The research indicates that it is just as bad and, in some cases, may be worse. In a study of children who were exposed to violence in the home, one group of researchers found that the effects psychological abuse had on these children didn’t differ from that of physical abuse. They had higher rates of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (English et al., 2008). Another study indicates that the partner in a relationship who is psychological abused have higher rates of post-traumatic stress disorder, alcoholism, and drug use (Hines & Malley-Morrson, 2001).

Another misconception regarding psychological abuse is that it is only perpetuated by men on women. This is perhaps due to the fact that more physical abuse is committed by men. However, mental abuse can be committed by men or women, and is severely damaging in either scenario.

Often one of the most damaging aspects of physical abuse is the fear that it inspires in the victim. Psychological abuse can inspire that same fear, however, even if the actions are never carried out. For example, a partner or parent may threaten their victim repeatedly with harm that will come to them or someone they love. As long as the belief that the action could be carried out exists, psychological damage is still done. It can create an ongoing sense of fear in the victim that can manifest as a number of psychological disorders.

The psychological disorders that come about due to emotional abuse tend to remain after the abusive relationship is over. They will also often affect the victim’s ability to engage in future relationships. In many cases, it will take years of therapy to return the victim to a healthy mind state.

While the signs of physical abuse are obvious, the indications of mental abuse may be easier to hide. This doesn’t mean, however, that they are any less damaging. For, while cuts and bruises may fade, mental scars remain, in some cases for a lifetime.

It was not easy, but anything you want in life, bad enough won’t be easy…
This is the introduction of my book and the end of a dark life and the beginning of a new.

My book Title is:
One Pair of Panties…”A True Story of Abuse, Survival and Victory” It will be avail. in July/2012…

About the Book
Debra Bell-Vanzant exposes how a family, who lived with abuse, adultery, lies and deception behind the closed doors of their seemingly perfect middle-class existence, crippled a precious little girl emotionally. It was a life that she never should have known. The story gives a riveting account of why this little girl became rebellious and felt forced to live on the streets of Chicago at the age of fourteen – lost, lonely and looking for love. It covers her life of drugs, abuse and more abuse at the hands of men, disgrace, shame, loss of self-respect and total abandonment by her family at such a young age.

This story is intended as an eye-opener for young girls, alerting them that there are wolves in sheep’s clothing just waiting for them to run away from their parents and into the streets. No longer a child, the woman described herein has lived a life of trials and tribulations, but overcame her struggles and is now a survivor of an apparently hopeless situation for over eighteen years.

The book will hopefully serve as inspiration for women currently trying to escape the cycle of abuse. By the grace and mercy of God, you will be able to make it through; not necessarily by duplicating the efforts of this woman, but by the path that the Heavenly Father has laid out for you.

This not a new story, but this is my story…

I’m here at the end, but yet the beginning of my life that at one time I thought, I would never see. But God… I made it by the Grace and Mercy of God, through Hope, Faith and Prayers, with a sincere heart and made up mind, but most of all, Prayers from my Na-na and from other people that were praying for me. I made it out of a life that had me racing straight to Hell!

I’ve grown a lot. There were parts of my past life that have taken me years to overcome, but I made. But God…

As I wrote the details of my life in the form of an open book, I wanted readers to know that it doesn’t matter what you went through in life or where you are right now in this present moment; there is a brighter day. The sun will shine and you will see a rainbow, you just have to hold on to God’s unchanging hand, and don’t look back.

Writing about my experiences in life helped me to realize, I had to go through what I went through, to get where I am now, and to see where I’m going!

During my difficult journey of writing my story, I had to go back to some dark, dark places that was scary and painful. I cried, I got angry and I even laughed at times, but all while I was going back down that path, I realized how truly Blessed I am; how God has given me favor and power over it all.

People have tried to pull me down, but come to find out I was my worst enemy. See sometimes we can blame other people for all the tragedies in our lives, but if we really stop and think about it we had a choice. Remember, that God gives us a choice, at our own will.

It was a serious battle for me to re-visit those dark places, to break the strongholds that Satan had on my soul and spirit; the barrier’s of my past. I had to realize that there will always be temptation, in my life. I know that Satan will never stop trying to lure me into his trap of destruction. It’s up to me now to do the will of the Lord in order for me to stay on this side of the battlefield.

I have shed many tears and endured heartaches and pain. I have suffered in this battle of life only to come out standing firm and staying suited up with my Armor of the Lord awaiting the next temptation/battle, and it is not easy!

There will always be trails and tribulations in our lives until we die, but God is able. We only have to make up our own minds which side of the battlefield we will stand on.

I would like to apologize to all the people I may have hurt while I was walking the path of destruction. To my children, I’m so sorry that Mama put you through that life. I would also like to say to my ex-husband, James that I forgive you for all the hurt and pain you caused me.

I released it all and I thank you for being part of my strength today; I will continue to pray for you.

I thank my Heavenly Father for Life, for the Battle of my Life and even more for helping me get to the other side of this Battlefield.

We all need to know that we have choices in our lives. You can stay in the situation that you’re in or you can remove yourself from people, places and things.

It is your choice of which way your life is going to continue in this race of what we call life.

I’ve told you my story of how I overcame the trials and tribulations of Abuse, Alcohol, Drugs and the Barriers of my Past.

If I can make it, you can to! Remember it’s your life; it’s your choice. The question is will you make the right decision and make it to the other side of this Battlefield?

I will pray that you do, I made it, so can you.

Despite many findings that show almost equal amounts of abuse perpetrated against men and women, the media and government focus the most attention on the female victims of domestic violence. Men are largely silent on the issue because of the perception that men are physically stronger and should be able to subdue a female attacker easily. Those men who do report physical violence are more likely to be ridiculed–both by law enforcement and by the public–than women are. More money is spent on women’s programs, and more crusades are launched on behalf of women who are victims of domestic violence despite the fact that men are almost equally or in some cases more likely to be victims of both physical and psychological abuse.

Although there has been an increase in the number of fatal domestic violence incidents against women, men are more likely to be victims of attacks with a deadly weapon. According to one study, 63% of males as opposed to 15% of females had a deadly weapon used against them in a fight with an intimate partner.

What is worse than the statistics, however, is the fact that there has been little research in the area of domestic abuse against men because neither the Justice Department nor any other agencies will fund such research. Because they refuse to do the research, people are able to perpetuate such myths as women are only violent when defending themselves, or that men could more easily leave a violent relationship.

Because of lack of funding, there are also few shelters that cater to men. Most shelters available will only take women and children, and some even have an age limit on the boys that they will take in (13 years old).

There is some help for male victims of domestic violence. MenWeb (www.batteredmen.com) offers resources for men, as well as a place for them to tell their story. There is also a Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (1-888-7HELPLINE) operated by a nonprofit in Harmony Maine. Clark University and Bridgewater State University are currently conducting a study on male victims of domestic abuse.

Men who suffer domestic violence can only receive help if they break the silence. Not reporting domestic violence because of the stigma attached is the main reason that men currently receive few services, and one of the reasons that studies on the issue are so few.

Sources:

Figure taken from MenWeb: CDC/DOJ Survey Men more often victims of intimate partner violence. http://www.batteredmen.com/NISVS.htm

Philip Cook,”The Truth About Domestic Violence”. From the book Everything You Know is Wrong (Russ Kick, 2002). Published by The Disinformation Company.

Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women. http://dahmw.org/

We would like to welcome everyone back to the site by having 2 prizes for June’s Giveaway! Once again, my good friend Christine from Headbands Etc. will be donating the lovely Domestic Violence Awareness bracelets. Please make sure to check out her Facebook page, as she makes some beautiful custom-made jewelry. I would like to also mention that all proceeds from her Awareness line of jewelry go to its respective cause.

How to enter this giveaway:

1. Visit and “Like” our Domestic Violence Statistics Facebook (if you haven’t already done so).
2. “Like” every status update I make, from now until the end of the contest, on our Facebook page. Each “Like” is an additional entry.
3. Winner will be picked at the end of the month and notified via a status update, so please remember to check our wall, July 1st.

That’s all! Good luck everyone!

Oh yeah, here’s the prize…

Here’s the lovely prize for this month:

Rules: In order to be entered into this month’s giveaway, please “Like” our giveaway post on Facebook. Winner will be picked on April 30th. That’s it! Easy right?

Christine will also be selling these bracelets if anyone is interested. 100% of sales will be donated to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV).

Quantity is limited, so please contact Christine either through her Facebook or e-mail (contact me for details) to order yours right away.

A big thank you to everyone for the continued support in this fight against domestic violence!

Contest is now over. April’s Giveaway winner is….Shelly Yates! Please contact Christine at Headbands Etc. with your e-mail to receive further instructions. Congratulations Shelly and thank you everyone for participating!

A little background on Christine…

Christine hand-makes unique one-of-a-kind fashion jewelry of all shapes and sizes for men and women. She has a line of jewelry for special causes (i.e. Domestic Violence), where all proceeds are donated to it’s respective organizations. Currently, she is working on having a site built to showcase her art. We’ll keep you posted as to when her site goes live.

OK, so back to the giveaway. Our idea is to have one prize/winner each and every month. This month we will start as of now and end on the 31st of March.

Here is the special piece we are giving away this month:

Description: Purple glass bead bracelet w/ sterling silver and cubic zirconia wishbone.

The rules are simple:

1. “Like” this post by clicking the  button below
2. Leave a comment for this March Giveaway post, expressing how you feel about Domestic Violence (also letting me know you “liked” the post on Facebook)

*Bonus* If you’d like an additional chance to win, share our site link on your Facebook wall (and show proof)

That’s it!

Good luck to all participants. We hope this will help get the word out about our mission. END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

*UPDATE: Due to unforeseen circumstances we were unable to pick our winner on time. Now that everything is back on schedule, we are pleased to announce that Jennifer Michelle is the winner for our March Giveaway!

**UPDATE 2: Christine was kind enough to donate a 2nd bracelet to this month’s giveaway. Our lucky #2 winner is Deborah.

Winners will be contacted either by e-mail and/or Facebook. Thanks to everyone that participated and get ready for April’s Giveaway coming up in a few days!

In addition to this it is also smuggled across the borders by the powerful drug cartels for whom, this is million dollar business. What this means is that it is easily available to any man, woman and child who wants it, and therefore its implications in the domestic sphere are alarming.

The three patterns involved in meth abuse are the low intensity and the high intensity with the binge level in between. The first is when the drug is snorted or swallowed for that extra perk that sees you through a busy day at work and keep up with demanding housework. Most people doing more than one shift, or working overtime, multitasking as a matter of routine all resort to meth as a means to keep up. Binge users smoke or inject the drug to experience the euphoric rush that is supposed to be out of this world and are highly addictive.

This can bring about a high that can last up to 16 hours, during which the abuser feels invincible and is therefore terribly aggressive. The abuser continues the drug intake in an effort to maintain the high, which however, is never as good as the first and eventually becomes non-existent.

By now the addict is totally addled, but with no accompanying highs, but rather the opposite. This is the dangerous tweaking period when the addict is overcome with absolutely hopeless despairs and the mother of all depressions take over. Now alcohol and heroin may be consumed in a bid to get over this black period.

Then comes the crash where the abuser goes into an almost lifeless state for anything up to 3 days. The only way to get out of this black hole of despair is more meth, and that is why 93% of those in rehab return to the drug. This leads to the high intensity user whose only aim is to avoid the crash and retain the elusive high.

A meth addict in the tweaking phase is a muddled mass of frustration, aggression, hallucination, and irrationality. They are highly suspicious and paranoid. If drunk it adds to the recklessness which leads to unprovoked attacks, and other criminal acts.

Domestic violence incidences can reach new levels at the hands of a meth addict. The effects of the drug are not limited to the user but spills over to include each and every member of the family.

Social service agencies have revealed how out-of-home placements of children have become increased due to meth addiction in care-givers. Thousands of children are abused and neglected. The National Conference of State Legislatures found the distressing fact that about 10 percent of meth users were introduced to the drug by their parents or close relatives. The Drug Enforcement Administration reports that in 20 percent of drug busts made last year, children were present. Domestic violence statistics have begun to consider the implications of meth abuse in their compilations.

Meth is also the drug of choice for women who choose this lifestyle. Besides helping to keep up with the multi-tasking required of a working mother, it is also known to help with weight loss. A startling fact reported by a federal survey of all people arrested for crimes reveals that over 11 percent of women had used meth, as opposed to 4.7 percent of men. What starts as a low intensity use and a harmless pastime can quickly slip into the danger zone. Both domestic violence victims as well as abusers can be meth addicts. This puts the lives of innocent children at great risks according to police reports.

While you feel you have control and can stop whenever you choose to, thousands of testimonies from devastated addicts state the opposite. The power of the addiction is such that it takes over without the addict being aware of it. This brings out the paranoia, the uncontrollable anger and rage, and the frustration of knowing that your life is no longer in your hands, but in that little piece of white, odorless, bitter tasting chemical which now has total control over you and through you, your family.

Please feel free to leave a comment to let me know if this article helped you, or what other topics you would like to see on the site. I started this site to help others, so I want to make sure you are getting the most from it. God Bless.