Domestic Violence, Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde a two in one package, that springs to mind every time I hear of another case of domestic violence. How many men/women can relate to this personality disorder in their partner?

There are no excuses for the people who inflict pain on another human being. It was a deadly potion concocted by the famous Dr Jekyll that led to the actions of the notorious Mr Hyde where innocent victims perished. For those victims there were no choices whether they lived or died all because they were unaware of what was around the corner.

You the victim of domestic violence have no corners to turn, at least you know when to expect the next punch or kick in the head. How much longer will you go on making excuses for the broken bones and bruises? How long before permanent damage is done, if not already. Believe me when I say the situation can only get worse unless you act now and get help.

How can you ever be happy being on the receiving end of a clenchedWoman with black eye fist and god forbid should there be any children in this abusive relationship, I urge you even more to get out. There will always be the nice side to that person you once thought you knew, but niceness is not enough to overpower evil.

You still have life for the time being; do not let anyone speed up an early grave for you

Right now there is a fortunate patient being treated for cuts and bruises at the AE unit spinning yarns to cover up for their abuser. Doctors are not stupid especially when these one off visits become regular. Then we have the less fortunate lying on a cold mortuary slab.

Family members and friends are the first to notice all the signs of domestic violence, and should they voice their opinion on the matter it is because they care and are concerned for your safety.

Domestic violence can blind the victim into believing that they deserve this sort of punishment. Poppycock, no woman/man deserves to be beaten by the hands of another.

Fear plays an important why many victims do not take action in getting out of the abusive relationship. If you are looking for a way out then do not hesitate to talk to a help group. Even the law is on your side so you see you are not alone.

Approx 1 million women a year suffer in silence at the hands of their abuser but manage to escape with their lives.

It is known that approx four million American women a year experience an assault from their partners

Most common perpetrator in many domestics in the home is the man. For your own safety listen to the people who want to help. Believe it when I say, no woman is as physically strong as the male species so this is one battle you are never going to win when it comes down to fisty cuffs.

Why put up with the torture of not knowing which identity your partner is going take on for the night. Will it be Jekyll or Hyde?

Back to the fear factor, you have two options. You can continue to still live in fear and beaten or leave and be feared with out the beatings. You get to choose.

Many of the abused who leave their partners will always be apprehensive and in some unfortunate cases where the victim is mentally scarred may live in fear for the rest of their lives. But with the help of family friends and help groups the fear can become a thing of the past. Claim back your pride with help and guidance then maybe you can go out and live your life to the full.

Help groups deal with domestic violence on a daily basis and are there to help you in your fight for liberation.

Love is a misunderstanding between two fools I have heard say, and in an abusive relationship one gets to be an idiot. You have the idiot who slays or the idiot who stays.

Comments

  1. I so much appreciate all that I have read tonight. I have been searching domestic violence websites to not only help to educate myself, (being a former victim), but also to get the facts needed to help me in my quest to educate the general public. I am astounded by the statistics on this sensless tragedy the occurs as frequently as it does in not only this country, but all over the world!

    I consider myself very blessed to be alive today to write this. Unfortunately prior to the “last incident”, I had no family support or education on domestic violence. I used to think things would get better and it wouldn’t happen again. My family used to ask me, “what did you do to make him angry”? I could never honestly answer them since there really was no particular reason as to why I was abused once again. I began to doubt myself. It’s an epidemic that nobody wants to speak of. To the outside world, it’s easier to ignore!

    On May 30th, 2010, I found myself literally begging for my life. I truly believed that he was going to succeed as he stated in killing me. I was recovering from a previous surgery and was no “physical match” to defend myself. Even at full strength, I could not match his overpowering strength. I still can close my eyes and vividly remember most details. My only focus was to escape from my home and run for help. As usual, my cell phone and car keys were hidden somtime before the assault happened. I literally begged, pleaded and fought to get away from him for my very life! I thank God I won, and he did not set out to accomplish his goal. I have recently since had to have major surgery to repair the physical damage he caused. Literally did I know that May 31st, 2010, my battle on the legal end was just beginning.

    I truly thank God above our local Coastal Woman’s Shelter for helping to guide me in the legal process only to obtain a protective order. I was eventually granted an order for a period of one year. When the criminal hearing came to be, of course my ex-boyfriend (who repeatedly abused me) had hired a private attorney. I was represented by the state. After many phone calls to my local DA’s office, I was only put off and told they would speak with me the day of the hearing. My now “ex” has an extensive criminal background to include multiple DUI’s and domestic violence. The very people that I prayed would do me justice failed me. His background was never mentioned. The prosecutor never spoke with me. However, I was cross examined as though I was the one who committed the crime! Not one single objection by my so called lawyer. I can say that I was treated by this state like just another number…. just another victim in the system. The original charges against him were dropped and he was only convicted of “simple assault”. I was in excruciating physical pain and even though there were 4 rolls of film (as evidence) to the serious bruises I held literally from head to toe, along with multiple cuts and abraisons… that didn’t seem to matter. My home was also destroyed. My own blood was on the walls, as it was on over half of the carpet. He got a slap on the wrist and “timed served”. The mandatory 48 hours! When I walked out of that courtroom, I literally cried for the first time. I was in disbelief! I will never forget the Victim’s Advocate from the CWS (named Julie) who although had no obligation to be there with me…chose to. I told the DA’s office I wanted to apply to Victim’s Compensation. I handed the paperwork to her (after the hearing), only to be told that her office didn’t handle that?! It felt as someone had punched me in the gut again! Literally!

    I will try and shorten things up here. After much persistence with the DA’s office, and no returned phone calls, I finally drove down there and insisted on speaking with the DA re. the above matters. He was not happy with me since I did tell his secretary that I was sure the local news and our local paper would be more than willing to hear my story. All the while I knew in my heart I was not only fighting for my rights, but for all the other woman behind me that were let down by our system! I was told directly by our DA, “there is no way that this state will pay for the medical help you need Ms. Dunn”! Once again, I felt let down. However this particular day, I got very angry in a positive way. I thought to myself, “there is help out there and I won’t give up’! I contacted my Advocate Julie, from the CWS and explained to her what I had just encountered. Her response was it was no shock. She told me she had never filled out the formal paperwork to apply for Victim’s Compensation, but she would do everything in her power to help me. I have such gratitude for her and her dedication, and looking back I am proud of my determination. My case was approved and as a result, I was able to get the medical help I desperately needed!

    I want to end on a positive note. 3 days after the LAST assault, I made the decision to not give up my school. Even though I was covered with bruises, I made the choice to hold my head up high and somehow gained the strength to walk into that classroom for the first time. I was numb, could barely manage all of the upcoming court dates and (looking back) I acted like a robot. BUT… I did it! I passed my national exams for Phlebotomy as well as EKG technician! There was that part of me inside that knew I was done! I knew that there was no turning back and it was finally time for me! I am 3 weeks post surgery and I am going back for another semester. I was also inducted to Phi Theta Kappa National Honor Society. This is only the beginning!

    I plan on using my PTK and my school for not only a platform for education, but also for fundraising that is greatly needed in this town. The financial resourcers are running dry. I have also dedicated my life to give back what was so freely given to me! I have since changed my major and I vow to do whatever it takes….. to do what I can on my part. If I only save or touch one human life, that would be wonderful! HOWEVER, I have bigger goals and truly believe I can make a difference. What was once the lowest part of my life… has turned out to be the greatest gift in my life. I owe it to all the other silent victim’s out there to honestly dedicate myself to do all that I can to give back.

    Thank you for allowing me to share my story. I hope that through adversity someone out there will read this and know that they are not alone. Lastly…. there are many legislative changes to come, that I promise! I won’t give up!

    Sincerely,
    Nancy

  2. Hi Nancy,
    Just wondering what State?

  3. Ryan Weeks says:

    “Most common perpetrator in many domestics in the home is the man.”

    Actually, that is incorrect. There are hundreds f studies that all show in America Women committ most of the domestic violence against men. Spreading lies like this are exactly what is keep domestic violence alive and well in America.

    In Arizona, if you call the police on a woman for assaulting you, they will mock you, harass you, and force you to leave your childeren with the violent mother, even she just almost killed him minutes earlier. Even when you have dozens of witnesses to her attacking you and stalking you, the police won’t even write reports for you, much less arresst her. Even when the police WITNESS her attacking you, and have to put her in handcuffs and a police car to detain her, they will just let her go and not even write you a police report.

    Srgt. Reginato of Phoenix Police dept. “Be a real man, just let her hit you, and stop calling us!”

    Then wehn your childerren get old enough to start talking and tell counselors on dozens of occasions about being abused by their mother, when they have black eyes and cuts on their faces, they still get defended.

    There will never be an end to domestic violence until we accept the reality of it. I don’t want my son to grow up to hit women, and I don’t want him to grow up to be hit by women, either. BOTH are infinitly more likely because articles like this feel free to lie and spread flase stereo types.

  4. This was a great article, but I do disagree with one statement, ‘ even the law is on your side…” Unfortunately, this is not the case too many times. I, although not a DV victim, have known and helped a couple of victims over the past couple of years. I am trying to help a 21 year old victim now. Everyone loves and believes Dr. Jeckle and believes that MR. Hyde does not exist. The police and the judge in the custody case are the biggest problems right now. The judge actually stated in open court that the abuser (who also failed a drug test in court) might get custody of their son because she felt the victim was young and untrustworthy (since she did not leave the home and she anwered an inmaterial question wrong in court when she appeared without an attorney) She also denied with predjudice HIS atttorney fees so she could look up the domestic violence law to see if she could award them to him! He continues to violate the final restraining order, but the police and the judge will not arrest him on it because “he didn’t mean to push her in the police station, I think he was just moving and it was an accident” or, “theres no proof he was talking to you” or “stay off facebook if you don’t want him to comment” or “try to be friends with him”. Please do not tell victims everyone is there to help them because they are not. This girl may lose her child, pay child support and attorney fees while her abuser continues to taunt her, yes, he is bragging about it on facebook!

  5. Ryan weeks, it is not the majority of which gender commits it the most that matters, its the point the article is trying to make that matters. both you and the article both make correct statements. the majority gender varies depending on where you live for example when you said the majority is women, thats probably the majority in arizona. On the other hand, the arizona police department (whom how u described their behavior really needs a new crew) probably jumped to the conclusion that only men commit this and probably got it cemented in their heads that the male victim is trying to frame his violent wife so he can get away with it even assuming his witnesses are being false when in reality he’s the victim and he’s being honest. Im not saying anybody is wrong, what matters is the point of the article. Both your argument and the article make sense plus i agree with u that sometimes the police are just not enough.

  6. If the sex of the victim in domestic abuse is irrelevent, explain to me why the “Domestice Abuse Statistics” page on this site completely ignores men unless portrayed as the perpetrator? Why are the figures for female victims not compared with the figures for male victims. The impression the statistics leave is that females are exclusively victims, and males exclusively perpetrators, and we all know this to be false.

    Why is it that when women are the victim of abuse, the men are dispicable cowards, but when a man is the victim, he must have done something to deserve it. Instead of suggesting that men are all evil beasts who have no benefit in society, perhaps we should be treating women as responsible adults, being honest about their situations, and stop making excuses for their actions. Only by dealing with the situation openly and honestly can we ever hope to end it, regardless of who the victim is. Domestic abuse is wrong, male or female, so let’s stop pretending that it’s only a female issue.

  7. John Bartelloni says:

    In June, 1986 my cousin Robert Charles Daly, jr. was shot to death by his female domestic partner.

    Domestic violence is not always perpetuated by males against females.

    Most, domestic violence, however, results from males abusing females.

    To Ryan Weeks and Ducky, I ask: Do you want to be part of the solution or the problem?

    If the former is true, get involved with domestic violence support groups. If the latter is true, continue to wallow in your anger.

  8. Sherrie Adams says:

    Women and men can both be victims of domestic violence. Women are the most commonly heard of and reported but that is the key word. If more men would report domestic violence when it happens it would bring the statistics of DV against men higher than what it is now.
    I have to agree with the police in Arizona because I was stationed in AZ and I dealt with the police dept in Sierra Vista and they are the same way. They screwed up so much stuff that it wasn’t funny.

  9. Most men don’t speak out because they don’t want to seem weak and defenseless

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